I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You were trust falling into bushes
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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