i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
