was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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