we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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