I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
