so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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