3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
