I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
