I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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