i think my tv is drunk
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
