this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
