I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
