guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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