So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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