his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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