did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
