Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
