well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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