Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
