I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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