The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
