I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
