I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
