I wish I could teleport
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
