Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
