So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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