its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
