If i come over, it means nothing
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
