if you like me you must not know who I am
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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