Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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