I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
‪He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life‬
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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