how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
