Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
