I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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