Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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