i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I need to calm my uterus...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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