You were right. It hurts to walk today.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
