the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Barsexuality is the new black.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
