Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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