seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
