The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
