mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
