dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I need to calm my uterus...
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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