dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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