somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
