Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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