A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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