WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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