P.S. I can't hear my feet
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
