so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
