Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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