people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
