You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
